what a day

Today Leo and Jeff and I hung out all day. We were all very connected. Normally when we go out in public we like to walk really far apart and act like we don't know each other but today we just leaned right into the whole group mentality and clung to each other. We all took naps together too.

This morning we went down to the very end of the Santa Monica pier which only until recently I've ever experienced. I had no idea you could go all the way down to the very end where the pier juts out over the ocean and I guess it's a well kept secret because the rest of the pier can be packed and the end of the pier is always oddly chill. Full of fishermen and fisher-families and a few police boats and a folksy singer guy. Both times we've been down there there has been a guy singing the most beautiful almost new-age like folk songs. All about love and the 'magic of it all' etc etc etc. It seems like they must control who can busk down there because it's always been the perfect sound track for the ocean...and the dolphins and the birds. Today was a guy that was so beautiful he broke me down and I didn't know I needed breaking down. the stress of the last month and all the auditions and all the tests..I've tested 7 times for pilots--which is A LOT and have gotten none. I've gotten a lot of Hollywood rejection yet to most folks standards I'm "lucky" because of how close I continue to get. Anyway--the guy on the pier is singing about LOVE and all we need is LOVE kind of thing..and we are watching the dolphins and the pelicans and Leo is blissed out and we are too and it all busted me open. Thank god I had sun glasses on.

Leo is at such a fun age. Talkative and fun and funny and active and exhaustive and hilarious.

I visited a public pre-school to see if we could take that route and the teachers kept grabbing the kids heads and forcing them to look where ever they wanted them to look and that...bugged me. I thought I was a relaxed 'whatever' hippy mother but it turns out I'm more precious than I thought. I don't want teachers grabbing Leo's head and jerking it towards the front of the room. Not unless it's a humming bird or something that he shouldn't miss seeing. This was just the teachers assistant reading a book. We are still not sure what's going to happen this fall and at this point everything is booked up. The pre-schools are so expensive here. We may just drop him off at the beach every day from 8-11 and hope he finds some shells and some nice moms with snacks.