we won a prize

http://clients.brittaphoto.com/leo

password LAUREN

and the prize was a photo shoot--of THE FAM. here is the contact sheet-I kind of wish I would have picked out a shiny silver shirt for Jeff to wear so we'd just look like a total LA obnoxious family.

As I write this Jeff is in Leo's room reading him stories before he goes to bed. Tonight was the first time in EVER that Leo cried for Jeff whenever he left the room and only wanted Jeff to put him to bed. He didn't actually say NO MAMMA-GO AWAY (yet) but he burst into tears whenever Jeff left the room. I acted like it was no big deal "oh yeah, this is really normal. I read a posting on babycenter.com about how this starts to happen--so cute. He wants his Daddy--well GOOD I'll go get some work done." I tried to take it like it was no big deal but I'm out here analyzing my 'energy' to see if there was anything he may have sensed about me he didn't like. (talk about crazy LA family). He may sense I haven't had any bread or wine in the past few days and it may make me smell weird. Like I normally smell like bagels and chardonnay and now I smell like lemon water and smoothies.

I'm also worried that he doesn't want to be around me because Jeff and I had a little teeny tiny NO BIG DEAL fight about me not doing enough around the house...(I've been so distracted with writing projects I honestly didn't know there was anything to do. I could sit and stare at a pile of pee in the corner of the room for an hour and not see it because i'm in my head trying to come up with a character for a TV show.) So I'm also worried that our little spat--little hilarious light hearted spat--may have upset Leo and he doesn't want to be around me because he heard me say "well, now i know how much YOU HATE ME." and storm out of the room in tears. I saw one of the towers come down on 9/11 and Leo had to see that. in his world--what if it's the same? what if in his world seeing us fight feels like the world is melting? I'm glad I've managed to make that even more upsetting than it already was.

but on the lighter side Leo is obsessed with taking the egg carton out of the fridge and walking around the house with it. We don't let him get far and I think he's sorry that we don't scream in horror anymore like we used to when he appeared with eggs in his hand. Like they were bombs--that's how huge our reaction was. Sort of a war theme going on-..hmmm. I don't think anyone should be around me tonight.

Indiana is fast approaching and as much as I'm dreading the plane trip---I CAN'T WAIT. I can't wait for Leo to be around so many people that care about him and aren't being paid to care about him. Not that he doesn't have Udesky and Jen and Christie and Jon and Hilary and Deron. (I just listed them in case they read this).

On saturday we're having a mini b-day party for Leo for his Santa Monica friends. Jeff found a jamaican guy who plays guitar and sings and brings drums for the kids. I hope he doesn't blow pot smoke in their faces. or do I???? It looks we'll be rained out and will have to cram in this sort of church basement area at the community center that is attached to the park where we had planned the party. So that will be okay. I just think if we're in the community center they may crack down on the mimosas.

I'm doing sort of a cleanse diet right now and I really like it because though i feel sick and shaky and have a horrible headache and was too weak to work today and my son rejected me at the end of it all--I get to walk around saying "i'm doing a cleanse..." excuse me...doing a cleanse..coming thru...pure superior person coming thru...I pretend I'm bone thin and can hardly stand up. Which nobody really notices here. so as you can see I'm really busy--I have no idea on earth why Jeff would be upset with me...I'M CLEANSING.