There was a moment

when I felt overwhelmed by this age and then I went to program a recording of Thomas the Train and I ended up watching 10 minutes of Modern Family and I saw a scene that completely summed up what was happening with me. The bigger gay dad comes running out of their toddlers bedroom and is completely distraught and yells to his husband "SHE WON'T PUT HER SHOES ON!! I'M NOT GOING BACK IN THERE. I CAN'T DO IT. WHY DID WE HAVE CHILDREN?!" and then he tries to leave her at his inlaws house. This scene from a sitcom--a good sitcom but still a sitcom-gave me the realization that it's A PHASE. I knew it was...but somehow I felt I'd caused it. THANKS NBC!

Leo was cute today--he's been a bit calmer and playing more on his own. Which is amazing. Jeff is coming home to such a different kid. Tonight when I was reading to him before he went to bed he did something that I know little kids do all the time--but it was the first time HE's ever done it so it was awesome (which is his new favorite word. He repeats it every time I say it which makes me realize how much i use the word. He's been rotating "awesome" and 'fuck'. i'm kidding.) when i got to the part of the story where the king appears--Leo went and got his crown from his first birthday and put in on his head and said "kings hat' and wanted to wear it while I read the story. And I got the hit of the feeling that I'd been really wanting to have "ohhhh--THIS is why I had a kid."

I'm all tired and sincere. I bought so many groceries today to start to cook more and then I came home and made pizza and ate cookies. So i'm feeling pretty sexy. blech.

Last night my friend Udesky came over for dinner and Leo was in love with him. He kept hugging him and kissing his bald head. Which is good because it's his birthday today. Somebody needs to kiss that bald head of his. OH my god--I keep starting to type sentences meaning to get into more details but I'm too tired. I think i need another pizza to help perk me up.....