yet i'm not preggers. sadly i'll never be pregnant again. When I tell people that--I'm sure it sounds like I have some grave medical problem. And I don't think I do..BESIDES THE CANCER. Which is gone. It was the type they cut away and now I have a scar on my face. My forehead got all puffed up after the surgery and when I told the doctor that I liked how it looked-smoothing out the lines and all-she said "well, you know there's a way to keep that puffy look..." then she tried to sell me botox but told me to do it when I'm between jobs and not needing to EXPRESS TOO MANY EMOTIONS. she really said that. which made me like her. I told her I've tried to have the look of a bored unimpressed teenager to avoid aging but it's not working. I keep feeling things.
If only Jeff could have a baby so Leo could have a little brother or sister to dominate. Leo is going to be a parrot for Halloween. It was the best costume at the consignment shop. I bought it then texted Jeff "start talking up Parrots to Leo". And I'll be a pirate. Or a scraggly stoned guy who sits on the sidewalk in Venice dressed in speedos and a fanny pack who charges tourists a dollar to pet his parrot. I can't decide. I'll let the weather decide for me. Eye patch or speedo?
Today's toddler trauma is TOOTH BRUSHING. Leo doesn't like to do it. I asked a friend about how she gets her kid to brush his teeth and was hoping she'd admit that he'd never brushed his teeth since he was born but she said "oh i just make a little animal noise and then he brushes his teeth like a little animal". Leo literally takes off running when he sees the toothbrush. We have a variety of toothbrushes and toothpastes. Finally Jeff pinned him down and brushed his teeth and I was happy that he did it but poor Jeff didn't recover from it for hours. Literally 2 hours later I was sure Jeff had stopped feeling bad about it and he'd burst out with a "HE'S JUST GOT SO MUCH SPIRIT AND TO TRY AND HOLD HIM DOWN AND BREAK HIS LITTLE SPIRIT. IT'S JUST HEARTBREAKING LAUREN...YOU HAVE NO IDEA." I told Jeff "I know what it's like--I force him to do things all the time!!" But I don't really. Once in a while I have to just pick up and force him in the car--or out of the car--or pick up off the ground if he's having a tantrum. But I'm pretty...chill. Like--teeth rotting out of his head-chill. He is brushing his teeth. But not well. I'm gonna take him to my dentist and then he'll be so traumatized he'll never brush again.
And this sharing thing. OY. Today on the playground I started wishing there was one 'sharing specialist' whose job it was to just negotiate all the sharing on the playground. It's the MAIN THING WE DO. I know it's a part of raising them...but COME ON. THROW THE BALL TO THEO ONCE IN A WHILE! Leo does this thing where if he has a toy that he suddenly realizes somebody else wants--he just TAKES OFF RUNNING WITH IT. He'll slow down so the sobbing kid who is running and screaming 'BALL!! BALL!! BALL!!" can almost catch up with him and Leo will turn around like he's gonna give it to him and then turn around and RUN again. He looks like a really mean quarterback. He so enjoys the power. I'm sure that's a REALLY good sign. And I will feel like such a bad/confused parent because there are times when I'm not sure if the best thing to do is to go in and control it. I mean--if he's simply grabbing toys--NO. I know that. I'm lazy--not dumb.
Besides that--Leo is talking so much and it's CUTE. I cannot get enough of listening to him repeat every thing I say to him. We have got to more careful about what we say around him or his first really clear sentences are going to be--"but do you understand when we fight about money it's not really MONEY we're fighting about!!!!???"
We have sublet the place for while we are in Indy and DC and Seattle. We are a little worried about being gone for so long and have no idea where we are staying in Seattle and how we're gonna get around.
And saturday night i'm doing one night of a show. Alan Ball was supposed to come and he just sent me an email that he can't. He's the creator of Six Feet Under. And True Blood. He was the big 'special guest'...who was going to change my career if he came to the show. Oh Hollywood. Ambition is so stressful. Or as Leo would say "ambiso ful".
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