HE'S BAAAAACK (almost)

Jeff will be coming home on Saturday around 9AM.    I painted this on the street outside where we live.  Then I got nervous I'd get in trouble so I stayed up all night chipping the paint away with my fingernails.  Gel manicures are amazing!

I cannot wait for Jeff to get home so I can have someone to blame all my problems on and to tell me that I'm not fat.

Every day this week has felt so exciting with this homecoming count-down.  The only bad thing about when he gets home is that I'm going to look like THAT when he gets in.  Puffy.  9am.  maybe I'll sleep in my ice mask like Joan Crawford taught me.  And stop using my salt lick  for a day. 

 I can't wait for Friday night when Leo asks me--like he always does--what we're doing the next day. Instead of telling him "painting horses-then jury duty-then Disney World!"  I can tell him his Dad is coming home.     Just to help build the hype I got  a library book called "i love my daddy' that is horribly written but the Dad has Jeff's nose.

When Jeff gets back we're going to pay off our bills...move into a house and take a little vacation to Amsterdam.   Oh wait...no we're not.  Because I didn't get famous and he didn't catch enough fish.   It's like we're not meant to be rich people or something.  I think that new age guy at the grocery store was right--I have to stop dropping my pennies on the ground and not caring.  I have to build little alters to them to welcome in more money.


Jeff had a dreary summer.  So dreary he may just work at Starbucks instead of leaving next year. 

 Every summer he's gone he's had stories about how all the guys loved his lemon bars...or spice racks  fell on him or falling overboard....or barbecues and sing a longs and whales and seals.   I'd be stuck in traffic on the 405 going to audition for a part that was written for a overweight black woman in her 50's--while he's yelling thru my speakerphone--"oh my god! Eagles Nest!  Huge  Eagles nest!!!UNBELIEVABLE!!!"   It's like I was calling a five year old at Sea World.  

This summer he was like "I'm losing it...I'm losing it"  so it was like calling a 50 year old...at Sea World.

Hopefully he's lost the weight and learned Italian and how to cook Thai food like I told him to.   But if he hasn't...if comes home the exact same person..we will not only accept that..WE WILL BE OUT OF OUR MINDS WITH RELIEF and a little holiday-like joy.