Lonely people

are deep and wise.  and perhaps fatter than they want to be. 

I'm so tired this AM and it's Saturday.  Things are going great. . 

2 days ago I lost my wallet. I think it dropped out of pocket on my way to the car and in our hood a half smoked cig on the ground won't stay there for long much less a wallet.   I'm still hoping I dropped it Leo's daycare and it got put away in the dress up bin.  It seems like that's what happened because none of my cards got used.   I shut them down.  I think.  And I feel horribly about yelling at the Bank of America guy.   He kept saying "I'm sorry for your inconvenience" in response to me saying things like "but I need that card NOW not in 7 business days...how can that be the system? i need that money!"  Finally after his ninth "sorry for your inconvenience" I said "oh my god...did YOU take my card?  You did, didn't you?"  and he cleared his throat and acted like I didn't say that. 

And then I go to make a smoothie and my elbow hits the ON switch and it turns the very full mixer on and it goes ALL OVER THE KITCHEN.  all over all the dishes I just did.    after that happened I knelt down on the floor and started laughing hysterically.  Like I'd lost my mind.  

Then I'm driving to the beach and I notice I'm driving 71 miles per hour on a residential street.  I slam on the brakes and then start up and once again I can't stop driving 70 miles per hour.  So my Prius is having problems.  (last night when I pulled out of my friends garage he also pointed to some water on the ground under the car and said "Hey Lauren, you may want to have that checked out"" and I drove way screaming back at him--"I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW!! AND I ASSUME THAT THERE'S A CANCEROUS LUMP ON MY BACK AND FLAMES COMING OUT OF THE EXHAUST TOO!! CAN WE COME OVER FOR DINNER TOMORROW NIGHT! NO SCRATCH THAT--YOUR DOG NIPPED LEO ON HIS BACK.  I'LL FIND NEW GAY FRIENDS WITH A FABULOUS CONDO TO VISIT--ONES WHO OWN CATS-WHICH GAY MEN NEVER DO SO I GUESS I'M GOING TO HAVE TO GO BACK TO THE PLAYGROUND WITH ALL THE MIND NUMBING BORING PEOPLE!!!!" 

then this morning I open the fridge and I hadn't shut it right last night.  so every thing was warm. 

then I went to listen to my favorite singer songer writer and just bask in how much i was missing jeff and the song was about buried at sea. 

and then i weighed myself and that's when I realized HOW MUCH CAN AN OLD LADY STAND?

so things are good.