Someone stole my cactus

but otherwise things are good here....day 3 of Jeff gone. I called our landlord a few weeks ago to ask him who was in charge of keeping up 'the grounds' if you will..of the apartment. There was trash all over the place and it was all dusty and depressing. The landlord is 178 years old and is very feeble. On the phone he said that he was still hoping to find a high school student to come and do some basic gardening and weeding for 6 or 7 dollars an hour. I told him that I'd do it for free and then he offered me 25 bucks a month. So I GOT A JOB!! And the first thing I did was spruce the building up in the front and put out a nice potted cactus and it was stolen. It even had a piece of Leo's hair in it from when Jeff trimmed his bangs and then shook out the towel outside (the cactus used to be right next to our door) and a big chunk of hair got stuck on it. I left it there. It felt like burying the placenta in the backyard or some other old ancient custom for good luck. I think my placenta is still in the back though and my cactus is gone. gross. Today I got in trouble for dropping off Leo too quickly at his day care place. Leo got upset when I left. I think he got upset because everyone kept saying "Leo's daddy is gone for a very long time and he may have some big feelings about it. Leo...you may have big feelings today about your Dad leaving." That's all they were talking about so I screamed BYE and ran to my car. (I'm kidding. I still feel the need to put the 'just kidding"s in. For my Dad.) When I picked up Leo later he was just sort of wandering around outside in the play area looking bored. I started obsessing that they weren't doing enough to entertain him but I realized I may just be trying to lash out after I got reprimanded. Though it wouldn't hurt if they---threw him a ball or something. I'm sure they do.......for the millions we pay. Udesky came over and watched Leo while I went for a run. Incredibly kind. Also kind is Tessa Francis who I've met a handful of times but who saw my post about needing to buy a cheap digital camera and put her old digital camera in the mail for me...for free. What do you give someone or do for someone who does something that nice? THIS. (maybe write one more sentence) no...besides a blog mention? You steal her cactus. That made no sense but the cactus is on my mind. And so is Tessa. sometimes people are so fricken kind. Things are very peaceful right now. It's odd to just walk around the apartment not thinking about what I think Jeff should be doing better or what he shouldn't be eating or drinking or doing or watching or saying or wearing. It really frees up the head. I know I'm going to crash and get incredibly depressed..I dread Sundays. I think Sundays for single people and single parents are the hardest. I so remember how isolated I felt as people walked around aggressively being all FAMILY LIKE on Sundays. It always seemed like every guy had a kid on their shoulders and everyone was coming from or going to a picnic. Now I've actually been a part of that sunday scene...but I try to look miserable when anyone passes by looking depressed so they know "grass is always greener." ew. this whole last paragraph sounds so patronizing to single people. almost all of my closest friends are single. But they never read my blog so I'm cool. I'm still going to re-read this tomorrow and make sure it's not obnoxious. My melatonin is kicking in.