I should be returning emails

to Tonia and Leslie....and calling Danza. But instead I'm blogging cuz I'm SELFISH. Though I plan on sending and calling as soon as this weekend is over. what a day. what a day....I only have one more show to go and I cannot believe it. The 2pm show I had today was completely quiet and I had a break down in the middle of the show and starting crying during the part where I talk about "I don't feel like I've made any difference or taken even the tiniest step forward"..then I literally started half sobbing. The audience could care less. I could have gotten out a gun and shot myself on stage and they would have gotten out their programs to see if the gun shot indicated the intermission. What is it with audiences that give NOTHING. that care not at all that live theater is happening in front of them? I hate them. I mean..they are my greatest teachers. They kind of are--I had to be very sure of why I was doing this show. Never could I just sit back and ride the ego wave. It helped having some incredible audiences--like the night that a large group of jail nurses were there. That was a good show. Anyway--one more night. And I'm ending the show feeling incredibly chubby and somewhat exhausted and looking forward to spending some time in Seattle with friends. Which is where I'll be for the next few weeks--until July 1st. (there..now I answered Leslie's question so I don't have to email her back. I'M KIDDING. but she's on a cruise with my mom and Emma so I don't feel too bad.)

And on stage today I started feeling very lonely without Jeff. I tried to do that thing where I remember all the things that drive me crazy about him but it wasn't working this time and I felt deeply sad to not have him around.

Leo and I went to one of my favorite places in Portland--the science museum. They have the most amazing play area for toddlers at the museum. It's incredible. We went one last time.

I will miss that museum--and the outdoor playground under all the trees---the jewish deli where we get our bagel---running around my set with him--riding the street cars OH MY GOD he loves the street cars--the elevator--and story time at the library.

Leo is really getting this 'goodbye' concept. He says goodbye whenever anything ends or goes away. If I turn a page of book he'll be like 'bye bye" if he really liked the page. And he says it with real emotion..like he's fighting back tears. Oh the drama.

And tomorrow is Father's Day. So many fathers!!! so little time....and I didn't get my grills sent out that i wanted to give everyone. I'll call. Which is like a grill.

I wonder if I'll hear from Jeff tomorrow?